So my birthday is tomorrow!!! BIG 21!!!


So excited!


Wild Waves bitches!!! Lets go Jen!

So my birthday is in about 2 weeks and I have not a clue as to what to do for my birthday...Beck wants to throw me a party but I don't know how that would go.

What other ideas you think I should do for my 21st???


♥

I'm leaving Texas June 1st. I should be back in WA by June 4th or 5th.

I miss you guys terribly

♥

My brother's ex girlfriend had her baby this morning, at 4:18AM PST March 15 2008. Her name is Jordan. She weighs 8 pounds 11 oz and is 21 inches long.


I'm an aunt.

I miss everyone...:( it makes me sad that I probably wont get to see everyone while I'm home...I'll only be home for a few days because there wont be enough time.


BTW Jen, I probably wont need that ride...Becks said we're more then likely gonna drive since she's getting her vacation..


I LOVE ALL OF YOU!

We found a place to live and we move in 1/18. We're both doing ok, just money is tight. I'm trying to get some money together for me to come up in Feburary, but since I'm not working, it's a little harder...

♥ what should i do?

So the rumors are true if you heard them. I'm leaving Washington...I'm moving to Texas to be with Becky and her family. Becky's mom has to have surgery and wont do it without Becky being there so we're leaving December 1st.


I'd like to have a get together if at all possible because I'm going to miss you guys a whole hell of a lot.

♥ let me know if you want to make plans... :(

So I'm married :)

ah yeah baby!

Life is good, could be better despite everything. My tonsils are quite swollen, I can't eat or anything. I've lost 16 pounds in 6 days. It's disgusting.

I came out last month that I'm openly gay...I still like guys, I just don't like their packages. I've been bi since I was just about 13 so liking girls isn't hard for me...lol I'm in a relationship, with a woman. She's very good to me. Her name is Becky. She is older then me, but not by much, just a couple years. We've been bouncing around from my house to her apartment so I haven't been online very much. We've been dating just about 6 weeks ish.



♥

So New York City was a bitch. I came home 2 days early. I wished I never could have left. But that's life. You have to experience something before you know what you really want.

Life is good. Life is fantastic, I couldn't ask for anything more.

♥

I'm leaving for NYC right now. I love you all and you'll hear updates from me via text...

I'm leaving for New York City on Thursday..I'm kinda scared.. but I know that I'm going to love it.

I've made a life changing decision, and I can't be any happier.

♥

My oh my has it been a while since I've updated......not much has gone on since last.


I went to camp...AaaaaMazing.

I've been at Albertsons a year as of 8/19/07.

Derek wants nothing to do with me....douche. I can find better. Oh wait, I have better right in front of me.

I'm going to New York at the end of September to see Christopher...Excited!

My 'big brother' Joseph died on Thursday, 8/23. he was only 22...

M.M. and I are hanging out again.....fun shit!

Not much really going on..


♥

I really don’t know what to write about. But, I’m here to write. My life is in shambles. I have no idea what to do with it lately. My birthday was a blast. The day before my birthday I went to the zoo with my grandma which was fun, besides going after her and trying to find her after she got lost. The day of my birthday I had to work 11-7 but afterwards, Michelle, Eric and I were going to go to a movie, I ended up inviting Derek along for the movie he said he was cool with it, and then when we got to the theater, The movie was sold out for the last showing of the night. So Michelle and Eric ended up going back to Michelle’s house to watch movies, I believe that’s what they did; Derek wasn’t too keen on going over there because he hardly knows her, so Derek and I ended up going back to Derek’s house and he made me a late dinner, which was very nice. Saturday I ended up working 11-9 because the new girl, Contessa called in because she couldn’t find anybody to watch her kid. Derek and I was supposed to go to dinner and bowling afterwards, so I just ended up going with Derek to Dave and Will’s house to watch the guys play Poker. Then afterwards, Derek and I ended up going to the bowling alley about 20 minutes early because he lost in poker. So we just ended up just sitting in the truck just talking, which was nice. Andrew, Kaitlin, Ashwee, Gary, Derek and I bowled from 12-2 for my birthday; it was very nice because Kait bought me a cake. So while we bowled, we ate cake. It was great fun, I’m just glad I didn’t get hit with cake. So after bowling, we did our usual thing, go to Denny’s, except Andrew and Derek ended up going back to Derek’s to play video games. So Gary, Ashwee, Kaitlin and I ended up going to Denny’s. It was quite fun. We watched these drunken guys make fun of themselves the whole time we were there. After Denny’s, we drove back to the bowling alley to drop off Gary and Ashwee, and then Kaitlin and I drove to Derek’s to drop me off and pick Andrew up.

So lots have been going on, and so little time to tell about it. I’m currently living at my new house. It’s a cute place. I still don’t like that it’s a mobile home, but you know, who cares? It’s a roof over my head and that all that matters. I shouldn’t care so much about where I live. As long as I’m stable, and I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach, it shouldn’t matter where I live. I’m somewhat happy. I just don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve come back to the idea that no one loves me. God has given me so much to love to give; he has given me ability to bless people and I feel the need to bless people, and to love my life, to love my friends, to love my parents, to love my leaders, to love my cadre. I have a lot of love to spread. I just don’t know what’s gotten into me; I don’t feel love at all. I have so much love to give but yet I don’t even know what love feels like anymore. There is so much hatred in my heart its ridiculous! It’s also funny, because I don’t even know why there is hatred in my heart; I don’t hate anybody at all. I admit that my mom and I aren’t getting along right at this moment, but she’s still my mother and I have to respect her and honor her.


In other news…I ended up putting my baby down…I really didn’t want to but I knew it was wise. I didn’t want to have him suffer any longer. It broke my heart to do it, because I did watch them do it. But I knew that was my way to have closer with him. Lightening was technically my brother’s cat but, he really was my cat because we were together more then him and Cory was. He slept with me every night; he cuddled with me every day. He was mine, and I love him so much. I couldn’t do it, but I knew I had to. I had cried so much that it looked like I was stoned the whole day, I had cried so much. I don’t believe I’ve cried so much in my life. I’m living though, I’ve surviving.

In some more other news… my brother is having a kid….Cory and his girl, Sarah are expecting….she’s just about 7-8 weeks along. She’s due February 21st.


Wow I’m going to be an aunt.


Working lots, and barely anytime away from Albertsons….Been there almost a year now…coming up in August. August 19th.


My birthday is next weekend….July 20th.

I’m going to be 20 years old….I’m excited!

I can’t do it. I can’t. I don’t have the heart to do it. He’s my baby. We’ve been thru everything together. When I have no one to talk to about my issues, he was the first one to cuddle up with me and listen. He was a GREAT listener. As I sit here on my bed and just look at him sleep, tears come to my eyes. He was born underneath my bedroom dresser when I was 6 years old; that was 14 years ago. I know he’s in pain. He was always the one to start fights with the other cats, always the boy to get all the female cats pregnant. I can’t tell you how many cats he’s fathered. He was a cat whore. He went from female cat to female cat, and no protection (lol). I thought I had taught him better, but no one listens to their human mother these days. His birth mother, Pepper, gave birth to him 3 days after we moved into the place where I am now. I am having to put him down 3 days before we move out of here. I don’t want him to suffer any longer, but I want him to stay. I don’t know if that is being selfish or what, but I want to keep him, just the way he is. I know I need to do it because I don’t want him to suffer any longer. I’m the one that was always there to clean him up after his fights; I was always there when he needed in at night. He wouldn’t come in the house for a couple years, we have no idea why, but when he finally came in, he came up and crawled on my lap and just cuddled. I love this darn cat so much, it’s indescribable.

I'm putting down my cat tomorrow and I don't think I can do it. but I have to. I don't want him to suffer any longer.



This seems like the hardest thing to do in my life, yet things have been worse

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’m struggling a lot with who I am. It shouldn’t be this big problem, but it is. I don’t know what my purpose is for my life. I don’t have a clue what I want to do the rest of my life. My life isn’t going anywhere. I just come home from work, and sleep, then get up for work, go to work then come home. I hardly talk to anyone anymore. I’m still in an identity crisis. I’m praying to god everyday asking him to reveal myself, to show me who I am in Christ, to show me what my purpose is in life. I really want to start college. It’s been on my heart since graduation…last year. I think that I’m just setting myself up for failure with moving out. I’ve only been at the apartment 1 night, but still, the sense of independence is nice, but yet it scares the living daylights out of me.


I’ve got to get ready for work, More later

So last night was my first night at my apartment and I was supposed to move my things in but I was unable to because I over slept and no more then 5 minutes after I get to my moms, Gail calls and wants me to come in early. It felt kind of weird to stay over, but hey, I’m going to have to get used to it if I’m going to be living here a couple months and then moving into a different apartment with Kirstie and Josh. It’ll be good now, because I have a key to the apartment so while Kirstie and Josh were at work, it felt so good to be able to lock the door on my own and that I could unlock the door also. I was supposed to work at 2 and get off at 10 hopefully we would have got out early, but Gail called me in at noon. So I was off about 845. It feels so good to have a key to the apartment and such. Now with a key, Man do I feel so independent. I’ve got my own cell phone, My own apartment, a job that’s gonna be kept unless I’m fired.



<3

Oh dear, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, maybe a little too much. I finally got a new cell phone with Verizon. It’s got a plan on it, which feels soo GOOD. It’s hard to realize, but I’m becoming an adult. Becoming an adult kind of freaks me out, but I’m willing to let it grow on me. I’ve got a cell phone with a plan on it, not prepay. I’ve :almost: got my own apartment. It’s mine; I’ve paid the rent, and almost moved in. I’ve got a job, for almost 9 months, and Gail reassures me that I’m not going anywhere. She’s not going to fire me, and she tells me that I better not put my 2 weeks in. There is a fat chance I’ll change departments, like to be a checker, but that’s in due time, even if I get a checker job, Gail probably wont release me till my position is filled in the deli. She tells me that I’m an asset to the deli, and if I left, it would be hard to recuperate. Just like when Elizabeth left, she was a big asset to the deli, hard worker and all. She left and our sales have gotten low and everything else going on. I don’t know if that’s a good excuse, but you never know. Right now I’m in a transitional part in my life. I’m becoming an adult.


If you want my new number, leave me a comment and I’ll get it to you.